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february 4, 2003

i am finding this a hard journal to write. there's a lot of ground to cover and questions to answer. for those who haven't already heard, i've decided to part ways with my band of 10 years, caedmon's call. this decision took a lot of time and prayer, and has been a long time coming. i've wanted for some time to share some of what has gone into this decision but have had certain self-constraints, another thing that i hope to explain.

for starters, it certainly doesn't do justice to refer to caedmon's as just my band of 10 years—they’re more like my family. i've grown up with them. i've lived and traveled with them for some of the most formidable years of my life. we've shared some of the most personally exciting and joyous times, along with some of the hardest and most trying moments any 7 people could. there have been many times when we’ve felt like we were the only ones who really understood us (so to speak). they have been my sister and my brothers.

this is why we chose not to announce my leaving the band until after 'back home' was released. none of us wanted to jeopardize caedmon’s future or the release week of a new record, especially one that was to play such a significant role in this transition. the truth is that this decision has been made for some time—long enough for us to have planned the new record and tour knowing that i wouldn’t be around for them. the fact that i had a lesser role on 'back home' was very much intentional. we knew it would be best to make a record that the band could support on the road without me, which is why i didn’t write any songs for the record and only sang two (and my singing 'the emptiest day' was somewhat of a last minute decision). we’ve all been working together to prepare for this. while we did try, we couldn’t come up with any way of sharing this news with only a select few (the guild, caedmonscall.net, etc.) without the news traveling too far too early, so we had to delay the announcement for everyone’s benefit. so again, it was never our intention to withhold information, we were all trying to do what was right for caedmon’s call, and i think that’s what you would have wanted us to do.

at the risk of sounding pretentious and using an already overused analogy, i really view this split as somewhat of a 'church-plant.' caedmon’s call and i are all about the same thing—extending the kingdom of God into our culture. we believe that at this point God has not only called us but equipped us to do that in very different ways. we have different strengths and different gifts and must therefore pursue God’s calling in different directions.

so let this remove the oxygen from the recent rumor fires. i did not leave because of irreconcilable differences or conflict. i did not leave as a result of the 'new sound' or 'new direction' that some believe the band is taking. i left for the only reason that i could have—the road forked and i was led a different way. there was not excessive drama or controversy. however, there has been mutual respect and support. we hope that you, our community, will continue to support us equally. be patient with us as we move through this difficult but necessary time. pray for us, and please stick with us.

i’m looking forward to seeing many of you this spring and summer as i support my new record, 'she must and shall go free.'

take care- derek