Notes from the Road
tue 1:51 am
destin, florida
as you can see, i'm slowly but surely getting into the habit of writing journal entries about once a month these days. sorry that they are so far between, but i've been instructed by band-mates to write only when i have time. that way i don't get resentful about writing, or ever feel as if it's some sort of a burdening deadline or something. things are a little hectic day to day on the road; you just don't realize a whole month going by... well, it's been really great getting so much feedback on the last journal. whether you agreed with me or not, the point was still accomplished: we all thought a little bit more about all that. you have no idea how satisfying it is to know that so many people read and think. see guys, it really doesn't matter that our respective theology lines up with one another's, but that we all continue to sort through our respective world views. i love that we've all found one another via caedmon's call. i have the utmost respect for all of you who listen to our music, not because our music is helping you become who you are, but more because you are helping us become who we are, and therefore helping the music become what it is.
just a side note; in case you wrote me with a retort about something that i said in last month's journal and didn't get a response, i want you to know why. i first want you to know that i really did try to respond to each of the questions personally concerning the entry, but had made a decision before writing it concerning such email discussion that might occur: i wasn't going to restate myself by defending a point that the journal itself defended. for example, some wrote of specific 'Christian t-shirts' that they wore saying that they didn't find anything offensive about them, and that they thought i was wrong on a few of my points in regards to their shirt. i tried as well as i could to site examples of the types of shirts that i was referring to in my comments, and said that some 'Christian t-shirts,' while i still questioned the motivation for them, were done tastefully and weren't the types of shirts that were the subject of my journal. and obviously t-shirts that represent a Christian event, i.e., a shirt for a concert, band, youth event, college event, so on and so forth, were certainly not my intended targets either. tell you the truth folks, if we can't simply see some of these shirts and know that they are blasphemous, then it may not be our t-shirts that we should be concerned with, but our judgement. use your discernment as God gives it to you.
now, on to the matter at hand. i mainly wanted to say thanks to everyone who's been praying for me concerning writing. a few journals ago i addressed the issue of writing, and how awkward i sometimes feel doing it. i mainly asked that those who were reading would pray for God to guide me in my writing, and that He would continue to surround me with people and situations worthy of writing about. mainly i was having a difficult time adjusting to writing in my new environment (touring and what not). i just want to say a huge 'praise God!' since writing that journal, and coveting the prayers of my peers, God has blessed me with a genuine peace about the matter. in addition to that peace, He has blessed me with some new directions in my songwriting that i've been more than a little surprised with. it's very exciting beginning my journey into songwriting, and knowing that i'm no more prepared to accomplish the things that i might than we were as a band starting off, but that my circumstances will allow God's incredible grace and provision to shine through my shortcomings just as He has shown through our inabilities as a band over the years. though i rarely do this these days, i thought that since we all had, and continue to have, a part in the writing of these songs--and therefore all have equal ownership in them--i would share the song that i finished most recently with y'all. interestingly enough, it's a song about how much comfort i find in the fact that God isn't depending on me to make His truth, well, true. the truth isn't the truth because i believe it. i somehow thought that for a few years. i'm sure it's something to do with the (horrible and annoying) instinct that i have to always think that my respective view on an issue is the right one. it's been so good over the years to be in this band, and to be around people who i disagree with on some things, but that have far more insight than i do. i've learned more from cliff than i can tell you. back when he and i lived in a little apartment in ft. worth, texas, we used to sit up all night talking/debating on issues that we disagreed on, and cliff always won. it wasn't necessarily because he's more gifted at debating than i am--although he is--but more because he held much more insight that myself on many issues. the same is true for aric (our illustrious bassist). over the years, we've had many debates on biblical issues, and although i used to hate butting heads with him on things, he turned me around on almost every subject that we discussed in all that time. in fact, he's become quite a mentor for me. i have probably never told him this, but i don't know that there's anyone that i respect more in regards to knowledge of the bible. his points are firm and right, and his insight is incredible texture. if i could be 'smart' like anyone of my choice it would be aric nitzberg. all of the members of this band have challenged and challenge me spiritually. i could tell you stories concerning each one. the point is, i'm always saying things, and then discovering that i'm wrong, and having to live with myself, which means swallowing my pride and coming away a little wiser for the wear. the difference these days is that i might say it on stage, and in front of a collective 5000 people before someone catches me, or i come to my senses on my own. all this to say, God's truth is perfect, and i'm a very imperfect messenger. but isn't that all of our story. couldn't we all love our neighbors better? don't we all get selfish and mess up in the sight of God? and isn't that the whole point. we're flawed people presenting a flawless truth, and it's always going to get a little distorted in the translation. that's why it's such a relief to know that it's not me that does the changing in a person's heart, but the Holy Spirit. God's sovereignty far outweighs the poor presentation that we give when trying our very best. realizations like this allow us just a glimpse of the surface of the well that is God's grace.
the working title of this song is 'the truth,' and is subject to change. you probably won't hear it anytime soon in concert, but might be reminded of it on the next record. please continue to let me know your thoughts via either our comment page, which i visit regularly, or our new irc chat channel, which i make a point of stopping by at least once a week. and thanks again for your continued prayers, and for reading.
The Truth
i've been putting on and putting off toomany people
and i'm getting old to live like an injured man
ailment and unfilled prescription, like the nose on my face
like a broken boat, a safety raft, and a love for the water
i just can't decide to sink or swim, it's me or them
should i save myself or go back for the others
maybe there's no gray and i was wrong to tell 'em so
and maybe all that i've to do was done a long time ago
(chorus)
there was life before my life
there was provision before my need
there was redemption before my sin
for the sake of the world i thank the Lord
that the truth's not contingent on me
i've been dressing up and dressing down for too many people
and i'm a little young to live like a troubled boy, a troubled
soul
a fish out of water, because were all just the same
were all just as good and just as bad and just as distracted
by the corners of our eyes as our fathers were, and theirs before
and all those before them, and here i glance around
but with the way i stare you'd think i'd seen through a 2 x 4
and with the way i walk you'd think i'd never seen grace before
(chorus)
i've been putting up and putting down too many things
that i know nothing about, but i'm jealous of
holding pride as tight as i can
like she was my only daughter
(chorus)
take care & God bless-
derek
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