|
 april 4, 1997
Notes from the Road i'm sitting in the back of the bus listening to the new 'wallflowers' record. it's really strange how certain music can really take you somewhere else. i'll try to concentrate... last week was a really trying week. we had a lot to do in a very small amount of time. by God's grace we got it all done, but we barely got out alive. i think i counted 12 times that we played in an 8 day period. you just don't know how very strange it is to show up for an in-store in norman, oklahoma and actually have people there to watch. then stopping by a pay phone on the way back to the venue to call in to the local radio station to do a little interview to promote for the show that night. it's funny, but people never used to care what we had to say before. i'm still trying to sort of the things that have actually changed between "then" and "now"- not much of consequence has come to mind so far. we must be cooler than we used to be because we have bebo norman opening shows for us now - he's just unbelievable. seriously though, it's nice to have people care what you have to say. now i just hope we can think of some interesting things to talk about; as much as cliff and i talk, it shouldn't be too tough. i have to tell you; i'm horribly anxious about the months that are to follow. talk about being at a place in your life where you just don't know what in the world's going to happen next. actually now that i think about it, i might be more afraid of having too many things happen too quickly, and then not being able to get as excited about things that would used to have been really big news. did that make sense? 6 months ago i wouldn't have believed you if you told me that we would be playing on the radio; now i'm afraid of not being excited if they're not playing us 10 times a day. that's a joke, but you get my meaning. it's curious how things very quickly lose their luster. it's no wonder people who have much are so quickly dissatisfied. i've always been told that perfectionists are never satisfied; makes me wish that i'd been born a mediocreist. i think that God has prepared us for where He will put us though, so i'm not really as anxious as i may lead on. i'll tell you though, i'm really amazed everyday by God - more than anything by the people He chooses to use; i mean, look at us. i'm the last person in the world that i would've figured on God using in this capacity. i'm just so thankful. it's also a little strange making the transition into this becoming 'work.' playing as much as we have been lately, it's definitely beginning to feel a little like work, but i'm used to playing in my time off, not taking time off from playing. time off is something that i've definitely been thankful for lately as well though. actually this is all kind of to do with something that i wanted to ask everyone to pray for me about. let me tell you how my life used to work: i would go to work pretty early, spending all day stuffing envelopes or moving boxes or whatever. after work, i would either go to a rehearsal with the band or go home and watch a movie with my dad; either way, the night got away from me pretty quickly, and i was left with little sleep and another day's work ahead. now, within this routine i was able to experience life, with the occasional confrontation with the abnormal or dramatic. it was from these occasional experiences that i began to write. songwriting has never been something that has come easy, but it does come every so often. unlike aaron tate, my writing mentor, i really don't consider myself a writer; i don't think like a writer, and i don't have the discipline of a writer. i write for therapy mostly, with the occasional self-inflicted test of my writing boundries - much like a young boy running the length of the block where his house sits, just to see how far he's allowed to go. when you write something as abstract as lyric or poetry, you begin to wonder how good or bad you really are. unfortunately it's really hard to know - and maybe you never know. it's like God lets you in on just enough to keep you working at it, and then reminds you that you're worthless without His very divine inspiration. now, all of that brings us to the everyday details of my current life. basically there's just nothing normal about it, and that's the whole problem. nowadays, because of everything that's happening, the daily life itself (that used to be normal) is the experience - i'm not allowed to notice as much as 'abnormal and dramatic.' therefore, i'm having a really hard time writing. finally, the conflict: i've decided that i want to be a writer. for the first time in my life i'm really enjoying writing. i wish that i was doing more of it. i've even had strange desires to travel beyond the places in writing that are familiar to me now; to get into more challenging writing, like novel writing. they are strange dreams to be having, and i'm strange in them. at the same time, i've begun to get really excited about trying to accomplish even a little bit of what God is beginning to show me. basically, i ask that you would pray that God would give me a peace, and begin to make my surroundings seem a little bit 'normal.' my best songs are written with no scratch notes and in about an hour. a song would be a nice gift from God right now. i'm actually surprised that i haven't written 10 in the last week as inspiring as it is to watch bebo play every night... i've been having other ideas about what God's doing in my future and my writing that i'd like to share as well, but i'd better hold off - i never know when i'm going to get to another hotel phone to do email. i'll definitely pick up here when i write next. God is definitely causing some self-evaluation in my life. many of the things that i thought i had already decided upon about myself and my future are beginning to take new direction. i'm getting more and more thankful for overturned decisions though. it's amazing how God can work in so many aspects of your life and others lives all simultaneously. i'm horrible at multi-tasking (my mom is great at it though). i suppose i've still much growing up to do. well i must say a huge, HUGE thanks to everyone for supporting us the way that you have - this last week especially. thank you for taking such an ownership in what God's doing with caedmon's call. there's nothing like the support of your peers. please add us to your prayers as well, that God would continue to keep us exactly where it pleases Him to have us, and that He would continue to break us and remake us everyday into the people that He would have us to be. also, i wanted to say a quick hello to rod buell (garett's dad), who may be reading. we've all been seeing a little more of each other lately due to all the release stuff, and he mentioned that he made it by the page every so often and read these journals, so i just wanted to say thanks. your son ROCKS. well, i'm off to bed. we'll be on the road for about a month this time, so hopefully i'll be a little better about keeping the dust off this journal. there's much going on, so there should be much to write about. i hope that you are well, and pray that God will make us all more aware of His blessing in our lives. i'll talk to you soon.
take care & God bless- |
