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 february 21, 2003
Notes from the Road i apologize for not writing sooner. the last month has seen the start of a new tour, and a lot of surprises. the first two weeks were nothing but texas shows, which we always enjoy. it was really good to get out and see so many of our friends again. this last week has been the first of out of state shows, and it's been a little rough. we had a great first night in columbia, missouri, but i'm afraid that things have been a bit stony from there. the night before we left for this tour, i was up all night coughing with some funky sinus itch in the back of my throat. my older brother, brandon (the doctor/genius), gave me some stuff to take, and generally looked after me. those two shows that we did back to back in missouri are what really did me in. i've pretty much felt fine lately, but after those first couple of shows, my sinuses really started to wreak havoc on my throat. now, i've never really been hoarse a day in my life. i've got one of those "coach's throats" that just never goes out, regardless of how much i scream. but singing on a throat that's already sore because of sinuses is a whole different story for me. as many of you have unfortunately heard (in some cases too late, i'm afraid), we had to cancel the show in atlanta. in 4 1/2 years of doing what we do in this band, that was the first show that we've had to cancel, so we really hated to have to do it. i assure you that there was simply no other options before us. we limped through the show in jackson, tennessee the night before, and just knew that there was no way we could pull it off. so we took the day off in nashville on thursday, then drove on to columbia (which is where we are now). i felt a little better, but cliff was feeling a lot worse. he and i were basically neck and neck with our sore throats. we got to the place, set everything up, and started our sound check before we decided that we just didn't have a show's worth of singing in us. we really wanted to play the show, but we had to also think ahead to all the shows next week, not to mention the two shows that we have to do in nashville on sunday. we thought it best to take the next two days off (which meant having to cancel the show tomorrow night in durham, north carolina as well) in order to get ourselves back into working order. since we were already here in columbia, and had already sold out the pre-sold tickets, we decided to do three things. first of all we had trip wamsley (the bass prodigy that's been opening up all of our acoustic shows, not to mention running sound) go ahead and play his set, which rocked, as usual. secondly, we made everyone's tickets good for the april 5 show that we're doing here in columbia after the record release. lastly, we gave everyone who showed a free copy of our pre-release cd featuring 5 songs off the new record. we wish that we could go to the other shows that we had to cancel and do the same, but we can't afford to drive to the locations and not play. this has all been so unexpected. nothing like this has ever happened before. honestly, i've had a really hard time with feeling personally responsible for all of this. after all, i'm the one who got sick in the first place. i've continued to tell myself that God is in control, and that there's some profound lesson in all this, but truth be known, that just hasn't been enough. i've been really frustrated. i've found myself praying, and asking God, "if i am in Your will out here on the road, which i believe that i am, then why am i unable do the job that You've called me to do?" it just didn't make sense. but i'll tell you, if i had written this an hour ago, it would've read much differently. i was totally missing the obvious. it reminds me of a joke that my dad once told me: there was this horrible rain storm that flooded the entire neighborhood, so everyone was heading for high ground to avoid the flooding. as the first family was leaving, they saw this man sitting on top of his house, the rain at his feet, and rising. the family was in a little row boat, and asked him if he'd jump in and be saved. he said, "no, the Lord will rescue me." so they went on. then the emergency crew came out in a huge medical boat and saw him sitting on top of his house, the rain now up to his waist. they asked him if he would come aboard and be saved, but the man said, "no, the Lord will save me." so they too went on. finally, a helicopter came flying above the man's house and saw him, the rain now well above his neck. they shouted to him to take the rope ladder and be saved. but still, the pious man said, "leave me alone! the Lord will rescue me." so minutes later, the water rose, and the man drowned. when the man got to heaven, we was so puzzled. he asked, "Lord, why didn't you save me??" the Lord responded, "what else could i have done?? i sent you two boats and a helicopter!!" this is exactly how i realized i've been acting. i prayed that God would heal me, and that's exactly what He's been trying to do. He's worked it out for three shows to be canceled with much understanding on the parts of the sponsors and those attending. He's worked it out for me to be surrounded with people in the band who show incredible concern and care for me. He's worked it out for me to be able to get medicine from my brother, and from an incredible and selfless doctor in jackson, tennessee who met us at his clinic after our show (and well after his clinic hours, i assure you). there are basically bushes burning all around me. i feel so selfish and foolish. i think that i too often confuse blessing with joy. just because i'm not happy doesn't mean that i'm not in God's will; just because things aren't going exactly as i think they're supposed to doesn't mean that God doesn't love me. the truth is that being in God's will isn't about always being happy. being in God's will is about being where God wants me, and being the person that He wants me to be. sometimes God has to get me in a certain place before i can understand what He's trying to teach me. it's not always God's will for me to be happy, or for me to understand what He's up to. it's my job to trust Him; to have faith in Him. i'll just say that it's a really good thing that God's hand in my life is not contingent upon my always having the faith to believe that it's there. i would be a wreck. my throat still hurts. i'm far from healed right this minute. but i'll tell you, God has tonight given me an incredible peace. i'm very optimistic about being back to 100% by nashville. even if i'm not, God is going to work it all out for His glory. if nothing else is, then the peace that i feel now is nothing short of a miracle from God. i'm so thankful to come up against challenges and struggles, and to come out more convinced of what i already believe. God has never failed me. God will never fail you. there's always a bigger picture, sometimes much bigger than human eyes could see. i know that it sounds stupid, but i thank God for my sore throat; i thank God for the further dependence on Him that it causes me. again, we really apologize to those of you who we've missed this last week. we were sure to have future shows booked to make up for the ones we missed, even before we canceled them, so we'll still see y'all soon. in the mean time, if everyone could please be in prayer for our health, that would help us more than anything else. i can't wait to have the time to fill you in on all of the other incredible things that God is doing all around us right now. i'll try to not let so much dust gather on the journal before my next entry. thanks so much to everyone for your patience and understanding. i hope to see you soon.
take care & God bless-
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