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 october 25, 1996
Notes from the Road i'm home. i'm settled in. i'm rested. i already miss playing. it's been such a blessing being home for the last few days. it's incredible how much difference it has made to have this much time alone. i've only seen a few people since i've been home, and haven't been out of my room for more than about three collective hours. i've been catching up on some email, some rest, and watching movies. so far i've watched the 'back to the future' trilogy twice. those have got to be my favorite movies of all time. it's really interesting how quickly life can normalize when you finally get home from a long trip. there's just nothing like the comforts of home. i honestly didn't intend on such a smooth transition, but there's actually a song on the new record that is about just that. i wrote it shortly after quitting my job of three or so years in order to play with the band full time. it's basically about my being selfish. i have many things that i'd like to do in my life, like anyone. my life seems as though it's been one leap of faith after another for the last four and a half years. i got to the point where i wasn't sure that i was willing to give up certain things in order to gain other things. basically i'm talking about opportunity costs. i'm going to be very honest. i'm embarrassingly unskilled at dating. i've never been good at it. therefore, i've never done much of it. it's not that i don't want to necessarily, it's just that i suppose that i've gotten a little self-conscious about it. people generally try different things, and stick to the things that they're good at. over the years, i've discovered the things that i'm good at, and the things that i'm not. i think that pretty much explains it. anyhow, i definitely have the desire in me to marry one day. it's one of those situations where i don't even know that i'm ever going to get married, and i definitely haven't realized who it may be, but i feel as though i've loved someone for many years, or more the promise of someone. my point in this is that i'm realizing that one has to be willing to give up their life of selfish intentions and plans and comforts, in order that they might fully live out the abundant life that God has planned for them. i've definitely found that when i first seek God's guidance and allow him control of the intimate details of my life, it is then that His desires for me become my desires, and that His will begins to unravel in my life. wanting to getting married one day is not completely what this song is about, but it definitely plays a part. i guess that i was, and am still apprehensive about giving up all of the stability in my life in order to follow God's will. but on the other hand, what is more stable than the Rock of the ages? it's hard to remember things like that living 24 hours at a time on earth. i am called to lift my desires to the Lord, and just trust that He will provide whatever it is that i truly need. things like that are always much easier said than done. this version of the song has the extended lyrics (which is the way that it was originally written, but was too long for the record). the chorus is basically a question that i know the answer to. luckily God's love isn't contingent upon my performance. i could be selfish and make nothing of my life, compared to what it could be that is, and God would love me just the same. He loves me because He created me, not because of what i do, or because i am moral, or for any other reason. on the other hand, God has amazing plans for each of us, and a grander scheme in which everything works in tandem to ultimately glorify Him. when i try and control my life, i totally screw it up. why would i not want the freedom of surrender, in return for the guidance of the God of the universe? i hope that all of this makes sense. i'm not sure what it was that got me on the subject of marriage tonight, but like i said, there's more to it than that, and i imagine that all of this is fairly universal. musically, this song is the black sheep of the record. i purposefully wrote the lyrics from an elementary standpoint in order to match the content. i think that you'll understand. thanks so much for humoring me. i pray that your days are restful, and that God pours His blessings upon you.
take care- stupid kid
i think this place is swell, there's much familiar here
daddy, it's saturday,
they tell me that i'm bright, sometimes i think they're right
daddy, it's saturday
isn't this saturday
and my mind wanders off to things i've never seen
daddy, it's saturday
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